Things I learned about Australia and Melbourne after 6 months

TRAMS AND TRAFFIC:

  1. They don’t have any tram educate; waiting for people to get off the tram before enter hasn’t crossed their mind.
  2. Standing is the thing to do, if there’s a spare seat, nobody sits down and instead the tram gets crowded with people standing on each other while seats are empty all over the tram.
  3. The more popular the tram line, the smaller trams they have. Standing on top of each other is cosy.
  4. Tram and train time tables are only for show. The actual time is nothing like the time table.
  5. On the tram it’s ok to take out your huge laptop and play computer games, even though you take up two seats

MELBOURNE VS. SYDNEY:

  1. Melbournians hate Sydney, or at least don’t like it. Melbourne people hate Sydney; Sydney doesn’t really care about Melbournians.
  2. They always ask you what you think about Melbourne vs. Sydney
  3. They always brag about Melbourne being less rainy than Sydney. From my own experience I can say this is not even considered being true.

FASHION AND FITNESS:

  1. Australians dress as if they’re going to a party everyday
  2. The shorter skirts/dresses/shorts the better
  3. Women dress in the ugliest leggings with no top covering anything. The saying “leggings are not pants” haven’t reached Australia
  4. When going out the fewer clothes the better is the rule.
  5. They never wear high heels on the way to work, thongs/flipflops are the way to go
  6. Then, at work and when going out, high heels are the shit
  7. Perfect nails and feet is compulsory
  8. The women are quite superficial; false eyelashes, nails, hair, tan, Botox, fat reduction etc etc is more common than real ones.
  9. As soon as there is a party, the women go crazy with their preparations. Dresses, makeup, hair, nails and tans are done and planned months prior to the actual party
  10. The works Christmas party is the same as a wedding.
  11. Australian men have no sense of style; the bigger and boxier clothes the better.
  12. All women have looooooong, usually blond, hair
  13. People in the city are fit. Exercising is compulsory, preferably 6am in the morning
  14. People are either skinny or fat, there’s no “normal” size
  15. Detoxes, boot camps and everything making you skinny and fit is everyday life
  16. Everyone is on some kind of diet
  17. As soon as the sun comes out they put on summer clothes, even though it might be only 15 degrees and a storm
  18. Melbourne fashion brands are mostly black clothes, I don’t know who buys them though since everyone in the city wear mostly bright, white or colourful clothes
  19. Jeans is a big no no at work, but deep cleavages and the shortest shorts are ok
  20. Thursdays & Fridays are the days people go shopping and shops are open until 9pm
  21. As in the States, shopping malls are the place to go shopping

AUSTRALIANS:

  1. Aussie men are big, tall, sporty, loud and drink loads of beer
  2. Gay men are more fun than straight men and the gay clubs are the best
  3. No one is actually Australian; meeting a person with both parents born and raised in Australia is like finding a needle in a haystack.
  4. They take their days off seriously and party like there’s no tomorrow
  5. If a public holiday appears on a Saturday/Sunday they change it to a working day
  6. No one swears
  7. Everyone hates bogans
  8. Bogans are people that don’t have style, wear tracksuit pants, drink too much, swear and are generally annoying
  9. There are loads of Asians, Greeks, Italians and South Americans living in Melbourne

MUSIC AND TV:

  1. The Kardashians are more famous here than anywhere else
  2. They LOVE Abba, Roxette and Ace of Base
  3. Old bands that can’t find gigs anywhere else will most definitely have a big crowd in Australia
  4. Every 5 minutes there’s commercial on TV
  5. During summer there are more festivals than you can count

WEATHER AND OTHER COUNTRIES:

  1. According to Melbournians: January and February are amazing summer months. Every year it still rains in January and February and they say it’s the worst summer they had in ages
  2. They complain about the weather nonstop
  3. Weather changes every 2 hours
  4. They don’t travel outside of their own city; Melbournians don’t have any interest in seeing the rest of their country. A scaringly big amount of Melbournians have never visited Sydney
  5. Europe is thought of as one big country and has a catholic and family orientated tradition
  6. They love asking where you’re from and always want to guess.
  7. Swedish accent is the same as a German accent…
  8. For some weird reason everyone loves Germany
  9. They all want to travel to Europe and work in London

TRENDS:

  1. Hipster is a new and trendy expression
  2. Being a hipster is every ones dream, they just don’t want to admit it
  3. There is a BIG difference between north of the Yarra River and south
  4. North of the river is “hippy, poor, exotic, dirty, cool, underground music, artists, warehouses, postmodernist”
  5. South of the river is “classy, money, organized, housewives, SUV:s, bay breezes, fitness”
  6. People from the south don’t like people from the north and vice versa and will not visit the other part if not needed
  7. Bicycling is THE trend in Melbourne
  8. Coffee is an important art
  9. St Kilda is where all the backpackers hang out in Melbourne

REGULAR LIFE:

  1. There are rules for EVERYTHING, people are considered stupid in Australia
  2. There are fees for everything
  3. There are penalties for everything
  4. There are ATM’s everywhere, even inside bars, restaurants and nightclubs
  5. They have something called EFTPOST which no one, outside from Australia, really understands what it is
  6. They have so many different ways of paying with Visa cards it’s stupid. Credit, account, savings…??
  7. The Visa system is impossible to understand
  8. The governmental internet page is like trying to read and understand a space ship
  9. So many people are so amazingly bad in speaking English even though they’ve been living here for over 20 years
  10. You need a car to get anywhere outside the city centre in a reasonably time
  11. Annual leave is usually no longer than 2 weeks at the time
  12. Valentine’s day is the day you compete in who has the most amazing boyfriend/husband
  13. They are very polite and always holds up doors for you
  14. They say “G’day” and “How’s it going?” instead of hi
  15. They do actually say mate
  16. They have shortenings for E V E R Y T H I N G
  17. AFL, rugby and cricket are THE sports to follow and they LOVE them

FOOD AND DRINKS:

  1. Vegemite is really something they eat, every day
  2. Toast is the only bread they eat, preferably with vegemite or peanut butter
  3. There is no restaurant, no matter the theme or how fancy it is, that doesn’t serve chips
  4. BBQ is a serious business in this country
  5. There are more restaurants in Melbourne than there are people
  6. Roof top bars are a serious business and an amazing way of spending your evening
  7. They bet on horse/dog racings at the local pub
  8. There’s a pub in every corner
  9. Jugs are the shit

APARTMENTS AND CARS:

  1. For some weird reason most apartment or houses don’t have air-conditioning
  2. There’s no such thing called insulation
  3. Having no TV is like living on Mars
  4. They don’t know what heating is and how it works
  5. They drive a ute
  6. They put Chevrolet badges on their clearly Australian built Holden
  7. Holden is the same as Opel
Annonser

3 thoughts on “Things I learned about Australia and Melbourne after 6 months

  1. Haha … funny list.:-) I’m German and lived until recently in Melbourne for one semester. Before Melbourne I lived in Copenhagen, so I can especially share your comments about fashion … I sooooo missed the good Scandinavian taste ….and H&M 😉

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